The “New Van Halen: A Different Kind of Truth

By D. Rodriguez

The “New” Van Halen……kinda Van SUCKS!!!!!!

So after the highly publicized break up and all the bad blood and bad words between the brothers Van Halen and Diamond David Lee Roth  they finally realized that life is too short (because they are all pushing 60)  to get back together ,and make a “new” album together.  It probably would have been better to let sleeping /ex/ old timers…I mean…old dogs lie.

On the tail of all the buzz and hype I just finished watching and listening to the “new” single “Tattoo” (off of “A Different Kind of Truth”) now at first GLANCE they did look like the Van Halen of old …but after a minute or so into this, they looked just plain OLD!

After all this time was this really the best they could do?? The lyrics really seemed to show the age of these late 50 something’s (except Wolfgang, who hopefully, like the fat kid from “Two and Half Men” is just going to ride this until all the wheels fall off). As for the music…well it did have a familiar sound, but it was more from the “Van-Hagar” era then the original early and harder sound with Roth.  I wonder if there is any sort of “Music Viagra” they could get a script for to get there sound… (wait for it)…..UP?

So this poses the age old question…can you teach the old band new tricks?  Apparently not and from what the band is saying of few of the songs are from the “good old days”, really??  From what I can tell the only thing that works from the “good old days” is the cover art that they snagged from an old Commodores record.

These guys need to get Michael Anthony, his bass and take the Jack Daniels time machine back to the early 80’s to get reacquainted with the REALLY good Van Halen days.

Now I was raised to respect my elders and I’m not trying to break anyone’s hips,  but I’m really wondering “WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD TIMES GONE?”….cause they are in fact gone.  MAYBE if they would have given the band a new name and took a shot at it  I MIGHT have gave them some props (thumbs up to Slash/ middle finger up to Axl) But now instead of being stoked for the upcoming tour I’m wondering if the Las Vegas Convention center can accommodate all their HOVEROUNDS.

DLR and the Van Halen’s need to call it “Happy Trails” and hope that Sammy and Michael will let them check tickets and/or sell t-shirts for CHICKENFOOT.

(Editor”s note:  CHICKENFOOTS second album “III” is out and KICKS ASS)